last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
