If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
