I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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