Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
