I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
