Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
