i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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