Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
