she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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