The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
