glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
