I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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