I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
