I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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