I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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