How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
