There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
