what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
