It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
