i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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