Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
