I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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