some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
