i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
