that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
