I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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