My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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