i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
