my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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