He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
