i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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