hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
