I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
