I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
