OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
