How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
