I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
