i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
