"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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