everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
