I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.