mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
