why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize