made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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