Since when is my name a synonym for head?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
