I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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