i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
