omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
