Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
