You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
