I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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