Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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