This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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