i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
