dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
