I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
