I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
