Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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