Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I wear drunk well.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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