The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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