i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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