His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
