my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
