im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
