Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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