At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
