Its about making memories worth repressing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm really busy with my period
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