Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
