hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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