He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
