This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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