omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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