you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
