Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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