I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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